Dark Humor: Dark Jokes Pt. 7

I don’t know where I stand on abortion. I like killing babies, but I don’t like giving women a choice.

microwave it

 

Q:  How does a black woman fight crime?

A:  She has an abortion.

planned parenthood

 

Q:  How do you know when a black woman is pregnant?

A:  When she takes the tampon out and all the cotton has been picked off.

 

A Priest and A Rabbi

A Catholic priest, and a Jewish Rabbi are walking down the street, when they come across a young boy.

The priest says, “I want to screw that boy so bad.”

To which the rabbi replied, “Out of what?”

 

Dead Frog

dead frog

A boy walks into a brothel carrying a dead frog. The madam asks what he wants. He says he wants to sleep with the cheapest girl who has herpes. The madam explains that she can’t let a little boy do that, but he insists, and offers to double the rate. The madam agrees, but makes the boy leave the dead frog at the door. She hooks him up with Cheri, an older gal with herpes, and missing a few teeth.

They go into the back room and do their thing. Twenty minutes later, they emerge and the boy goes to exit. The madam stops him and says she has to know why he wanted to sleep with a girl with herpes.

“Well,” said the little boy, “Cheri had herpes, and she gave it to me. When I go home, I’m going to sleep with my babysitter, and give her the herpes. Then when my dad takes the babysitter home, he’ll have sex with her like he always does, and get it from her. Then he’ll come home and have sex with my mom, and she’ll get herpes. Tomorrow morning, she’ll sleep with the mailman, and he’ll get herpes. Then the mailman will go home and molest his son. AND THAT’S THE MOTHERFUCKER THAT KILLED MY FROG!”

 

Two Black Guys

if you want to be remembered

Two black guys are strolling along at a state fair. They come upon a gypsy’s tent with a sign in front that reads TURN WHITE FOR ONLY $15.

The black guys look at each other and figure, “Fuck it, why not? Should be good for a laugh.” They go through their pockets; one comes up with only $10, but his buddy has a 20.

“I’ve got it!” the first guy says. “Take your 20 and go in there, then come back with the 5 in change and I can go in.” The second guy agrees, and walks into the tent.

Several minutes go by. The first guy is getting antsy. Suddenly, the flap of the tent opens and out walks the most perfect Aryan specimen of a man you ever did see: tall, well-built, great posture, pale skin, blue eyes and hair like golden flax. He’s even wearing a new suit.

The first black guy is ecstatic. “Holy shit, it worked! Here, give me that $5 so I can do it too!”

The white guy looks at him and says “Fuck you nigger, get a job.”

 

Three Pregnant Women

pregnant joke

Three pregnant women are knitting sweaters for their babies at the OB/GYN waiting room.

The first one takes a pill out of her purse and says, “I want my baby to have a strong nervous system, so I’m taking a fol-ate pill.”

The second one takes a pill out of her purse and says, “I want my baby to have healthy blood, so I’m taking an iron pill.”

The third one takes a pill out of her purse and says, “This is thalidomide.”

The other two women look in horror. “WHY?!”

The third one calmly replies, “I just fucked up the sleeves on this sweater.”

 

“I was walking down the street one evening, and I saw a black man running holding a television. I thought to my self “I wonder if that’s mine”, so I hurried back home, and lo and behold, it was still there, shining my shoes.”

 

“I used to be a sadistic necrophiliac with a penchant for bestiality, but I realized I was just beating a dead horse.”

 

Tarzan and Jane

cunt punt

Jane meets Tarzan for the first time in the jungle. Seductively she admires his muscle toned body, and asks “what does Tarzan do when he wants sex?”

Tarzan then replies “Tarzan look for tree with hole in it, then stick dick in”

Jane open her legs revealing a perfectly trimmed pussy and says “why don’t you use me instead”

Tarzan looks, shrugs his shoulders and says “OK” and then without any warning, kicks her straight in the cunt.

Jane screams and says “What the fuck did you do that for?”

Tarzan replies “Tarzan check for squirrels first”

 

Dark Humor: Dark Jokes Pt. 6

I’ll Have A Coke

i'll have a coke

A black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican guy are walking through the desert.  All three are starting to get tired, when they come across a lamp sticking out of the sand.

The black guy dives for the lamp, and holds it up for all to see.  The Mexicans tells them the a story about a magic Genie, and how the Genie grants three wishes.

They decide to rub the lamp, and a genie comes out. The Genie gave them each a wish.

The black guy goes first. He wants his people healthy and happy, back in Africa.

“Done” says the Genie, and the black guy disappears.

The Mexican guy goes next.  He wants his people healthy and happy, back in Mexico.

“Done” says the Genie, and the Mexican disappears.

Now it’s the White guy’s turn. He asks the Genie, “So all the niggers and spics are out of the country?”

“Yeah,” says the genie.

The white guy says, “Well, I guess I’ll have a Coke.”

 

Shorts

Q:  What did the the hotdog vendor at the bottom of the WTC say?

A:  Who ordered the 2 jumbo’s?

 

Q:  How do you stop a gay from drowning?

A:  Take your foot of his head!

 

Q:  What do you call a faggot in a wheelchair?

A:  Rolaids.

 

Q:  What’s the difference between a joke and two dicks?

A:  You can’t take a joke.

 

Q:  What’s black and screams?

A:  Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

 

Q:  How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs?

A:  None… he fell.

 

Q:  What’s the difference between Santa Claus and a Jew?

A:  Santa Claus goes down the chimney.

 

Q:  Why did Hitler cry when he got to heaven?

A:  God gave him his gas bill.

 

Now Your Fucked

you're fucked

A twenty-five year old disabled girl, with no arms or legs, is sitting in her wheelchair at the park. All of a sudden she starts to cry.

A man walking by sees this and walks up to her. He then asks her why she is crying.

She replies “I’m nearly thirty years old, and I’ve never been fucked! Will you help me?”

The man can’t resist her, she’s weak, helpless and bawling her eyes out. So he agrees.

He proceeds to push the chair and says that they’re going to go somewhere special. They soon arrive at a nearby beach, and the man hires a small boat.

“How romantic”, the girl says. The man lifts the girl out of her chair, and seats her in the boat. They then row out some distance.

“I told you I would help you and now I will.” The man says.

The man stands up, the girl has a look of excitement on her face. The man picks her up and throws her overboard.

“NOW your fucked!” he says,  and rows  away.

 

Is It True What They Say?

around blacks never relax

A white woman and a black man are dancing at a club, and after a while things start to get hot and heavy. After some heavy kissing and petting, the woman makes the suggestion that they return to her apartment for the night.

When the couple arrives at the woman’s apartment, they begin passionately kissing and undressing each other, preparing to have frenzied and unrepentant sex with each other.

However, the white woman, curious as she was, asked the black guy as he was taking off his pants, “before you take them off….is it true what they say about black guys?”

With a suave yet sinister look, he looked into her eyes, and said “Baby, of course.” He then proceeded to stab her, and ran out with her purse.

 

 

One Night At A Whore House

crack whore

A guy goes to a whorehouse and tells the madam he only wants to spend 5 bucks. The madam thinks for a bit, then says, “Betsy. She’s down the hall, last door on the left.”

The guy walks down to see Betsy.  She’s not the best looking, but she would do. He puts it in her, and it’s the worst feeling he’s ever had on his dick.  Like sandpaper, and teeth.

He pulls out and tells her. “Um. something’s wrong, can you do something about that?”

Betsy crinkles her face, then says, “Why of course! But it will run you another five bucks.” He pays her, she pockets the fiver, runs to the bathroom.

When she returns, the guy sticks it back in and now, it’s the complete opposite: it’s the best feeling he’s ever had, and finishes in a flash.

Panting, he asks her, “Oh my god… that felt amazing… what did you do??”

Betsy smiles, and says, “For the extra five bucks, I pick the scabs.”

 

A Few On The Jew

fuck jews

Q:  What does a Jew with an erection get when he walks into a wall?

A:  A broken nose

 

Q:  What’s a Jew’s biggest dilemma?

A:  Free ham.

 

Q:  What do Jewish pedophiles say?

A:  “Hey kid, want to buy some candy?”