White For 5 Minutes

white nigger

A black boy is playing in the kitchen and he covers himself in flour. He goes up to his mother and says “Momam, look at me ! I’m not a little black boy anymore I’m a little white boy!”

WHACK ! His mom slaps him around the head, “Go and tell your Father what you just said !”

So the little black boy, complete with sore cheek walks into the living room and says to his Father “Daddy look at me ! I’m not a little black boy any more I’m a little white boy!”

WHACK ! His father kicks him in the balls, “Go and tell your Gran what you just said !”

So the little black boy hobbles into the garden and says to his Gran “Granny look at me ! I’m not a little black boy any more I’m a little white boy!”

WHACK ! His gran punches him in the nose and asks him what he has to say for himself.

Standing there with blood pouring down his face, clutching his balls he says “I’ve only been a white boy for 5 minutes, and already I hate you fucking niggers!”

12 Year Old Scotch

whiskey give you balls

A man walks into a bar and orders a 12-year-old scotch. The bartender, believing that the customer will not be able to tell the difference, pours him a shot of the cheap 3-year-old house scotch that has been poured into an empty bottle of the good stuff. The man takes a sip and spits the scotch out on the bar and reams the bartender. “This is the cheapest 3-year-old scotch you can buy. I’m not paying for it. Now, give me a good 12-year-old scotch.”

The bartender, now feeling a bit of a challenge, pours him a scotch of much better quality, 6-year-old scotch. The man takes a sip and spits it out on the bar. “This is only 6-year-old scotch. I won’t pay for this, and I insist on, a good, 12-year-old scotch.”

The bartender finally relents and serves the man his best quality, 12-year-old scotch. An old drunk from the end of the bar, who saw the entire episode, walks down to the scotch expert. The drunk sets a glass down in front of him, and asks: “What do you think of this?” The scotch expert takes a sip, and in disgust, violently spits out the liquid.  Yelling aloud, “Why, this tastes like piss!”

The old drunk replies, “That’s right, now tell me how old I am.”