“I don’t know where I stand on abortion. I like killing babies, but I don’t like giving women a choice.“
Q: How does a black woman fight crime?
A: She has an abortion.
Q: How do you know when a black woman is pregnant?
A: When she takes the tampon out and all the cotton has been picked off.
A Priest and A Rabbi
A Catholic priest, and a Jewish Rabbi are walking down the street, when they come across a young boy.
The priest says, “I want to screw that boy so bad.”
To which the rabbi replied, “Out of what?”
A boy walks into a brothel carrying a dead frog. The madam asks what he wants. He says he wants to sleep with the cheapest girl who has herpes. The madam explains that she can’t let a little boy do that, but he insists, and offers to double the rate. The madam agrees, but makes the boy leave the dead frog at the door. She hooks him up with Cheri, an older gal with herpes, and missing a few teeth.
They go into the back room and do their thing. Twenty minutes later, they emerge and the boy goes to exit. The madam stops him and says she has to know why he wanted to sleep with a girl with herpes.
“Well,” said the little boy, “Cheri had herpes, and she gave it to me. When I go home, I’m going to sleep with my babysitter, and give her the herpes. Then when my dad takes the babysitter home, he’ll have sex with her like he always does, and get it from her. Then he’ll come home and have sex with my mom, and she’ll get herpes. Tomorrow morning, she’ll sleep with the mailman, and he’ll get herpes. Then the mailman will go home and molest his son. AND THAT’S THE MOTHERFUCKER THAT KILLED MY FROG!”
Two Black Guys
Two black guys are strolling along at a state fair. They come upon a gypsy’s tent with a sign in front that reads TURN WHITE FOR ONLY $15.
The black guys look at each other and figure, “Fuck it, why not? Should be good for a laugh.” They go through their pockets; one comes up with only $10, but his buddy has a 20.
“I’ve got it!” the first guy says. “Take your 20 and go in there, then come back with the 5 in change and I can go in.” The second guy agrees, and walks into the tent.
Several minutes go by. The first guy is getting antsy. Suddenly, the flap of the tent opens and out walks the most perfect Aryan specimen of a man you ever did see: tall, well-built, great posture, pale skin, blue eyes and hair like golden flax. He’s even wearing a new suit.
The first black guy is ecstatic. “Holy shit, it worked! Here, give me that $5 so I can do it too!”
The white guy looks at him and says “Fuck you nigger, get a job.”
Three Pregnant Women
Three pregnant women are knitting sweaters for their babies at the OB/GYN waiting room.
The first one takes a pill out of her purse and says, “I want my baby to have a strong nervous system, so I’m taking a fol-ate pill.”
The second one takes a pill out of her purse and says, “I want my baby to have healthy blood, so I’m taking an iron pill.”
The third one takes a pill out of her purse and says, “This is thalidomide.”
The other two women look in horror. “WHY?!”
The third one calmly replies, “I just fucked up the sleeves on this sweater.”
“I was walking down the street one evening, and I saw a black man running holding a television. I thought to my self “I wonder if that’s mine”, so I hurried back home, and lo and behold, it was still there, shining my shoes.”
“I used to be a sadistic necrophiliac with a penchant for bestiality, but I realized I was just beating a dead horse.”
Tarzan and Jane
Jane meets Tarzan for the first time in the jungle. Seductively she admires his muscle toned body, and asks “what does Tarzan do when he wants sex?”
Tarzan then replies “Tarzan look for tree with hole in it, then stick dick in”
Jane open her legs revealing a perfectly trimmed pussy and says “why don’t you use me instead”
Tarzan looks, shrugs his shoulders and says “OK” and then without any warning, kicks her straight in the cunt.
Jane screams and says “What the fuck did you do that for?”
Tarzan replies “Tarzan check for squirrels first”