A man walks into a diner, goes up to the counter, and orders a bowl a chili. The waitress says “That man sitting next to you just ordered the last bowl.” The man was just sitting there, not eating the chili, for a while.
‘Are you going to eat that?’ the first man asked. ‘No, you can have it if you want,’ the second man answered. So he took the bowl and started eating.
About halfway through the bowl, he was chewing, and felt a crunch. The man looked down, and saw half of a rat sitting in the chili. He immediately threw up, all over the table, managing to get some back into the bowl.
The second man said, “Yeah, that’s about as far as I got too.”
Hitler and his generals are going over his plans for the Jews. “I’m going to kill 6 million Jews and a clown.”
One of his generals asks, “Why a clown?”
Hitler responds, “See I told you no one cares about the Jews!”
A man goes to the local bar, and asks the bartender,”Hey what’s a good beer for tonight friend?”
The bartender replies, “I’m always a fan of Blue Moon.”
The man instantly appalled says, “No way the last time I got drunk on that, I had to crawl home, and when I finally made it in the door, I blew chunks.”
The bartender replies, “Well that’s to be expected when you get drunk, you’re old enough to know that.”
The man replies, “I don’t think you understand, Chunks is my dog.”
Q: What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?
Q: Did you hear the one about the child with AIDs?
A: It never gets old.
Q: What’s the difference between a feminist, and a hockey player?
A: The hockey player takes a shower after three periods.
Q: What’s better than winning the Special Olympics?
A: Not being retarded.
Q: Why can’t you fool an aborted baby?
A: It wasn’t born yesterday.